Ask Zoe: How Do You Work With Relationships?

Ann wrote, “I’m having problems in my relationship. How do you work with relationships? Can EFT help with relationships? 

When I’m working with couples or people in any other kind of relationship—siblings, parent/child, families, groups—I think the main thing is to be thorough and deep. I look at relationships in two ways: (1) they’re made up of individuals and (2) they are an entity or organism in themselves. One thing I do is to help each person express him/herself as thoroughly and deeply as possible, trying to help them get to the essence of what they’re thinking and feeling, or even to get underneath what they’re aware of at first. Second, I think of the relationship as “wanting” to be known in itself. Each relationship has a character, a personality, even a purpose in the world that I want to help express itself, too.

In addition to helping people get at the core of their thoughts and feelings, I often have each person authentically take the other person’s point of view. This is tricky, because it’s important that they are genuinely taking the other side and not being sarcastic or split (my side/your side) while they’re doing it. When they can genuinely take the other person’s side, the whole relationship grows, and relationship conflict is healed.

I also use EFT with couples and other relationships, by having one person speak their thoughts/feelings while both people tap at the same time. This is pretty amazing sometimes in how quickly and deeply it gets at issues and helps transform them.

If you’d like to find out more about my work with relationships and about EFT, check out my Relationship Counseling page!

Wishing you a free and joyous life,

Zoe

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