A client recently came back from a visit to her parents and reported that, just like all through her childhood, she again felt that her mother didn’t like her. Now just imagine her going back home during the holidays, when everything is heightened!

A Negative Family Pattern in Action

If one of the family patterns you dealt with as a child was disapproval by one of your parents, or a feeling that one of them didn’t love you, when you go back home for the holidays, that feeling is bound to surface again. I’d like to give some EFT Tapping suggestions that could help decrease your anxiety.

Recognizing the Family Pattern and How You Fall Into It

Let’s say this is about you and your mother, as with my client above.

  • Think about what your mother says or does that makes you feel unloved or disapproved of; be as specific as possible
  • Notice your reaction: do you feel angry, hopeless, sad, worthless…what? If there’s more than one emotion, which one is the strongest right now, when you’re thinking about it?
  • Imagine something specific that might happen during which your mother might do or say this thing that makes you feel unloved or disapproved of.

EFT Tapping on the Family Pattern

Now begin tapping on the outside part of your palm (karate chop point) as you’re saying:

“Even though I feel worthless when my mother’s eyebrows go up when we’re having breakfast and I reach for the orange juice, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.”

“Even though this same family pattern has happened since I was a little kid, and I always feel worthless; it’s a habit now, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway. When I was a kid, I was small and powerless, but now I’m an adult. I have my own life away from my family and maybe it doesn’t matter so much if my mother raises her eyebrows at me.”

“Even though I have this habit of feeling worthless; I learned this way back when I was a kid, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway. I consider the possibility that Mom was dealing with her own stuff all along, and maybe it doesn’t have a lot to do with me. And anyway, there are ways I now feel really worthwhile.”

Then tap on the other points, using reminder phrases such as “I feel worthless when I think Mom might raise her eyebrows at me,” “It’s a habit of mine to react by feeling I’m worthless.” “In my life now, I feel really worthwhile in some ways.” Etc.

It could be that other emotions will arise; just use EFT Tapping on each one as it comes up.

EFT Tapping Points Resource

If you need directions on tapping points you can e-mail me at zoeric@comcast.net, tell me you saw this article on my blog, and I’ll e-mail the points to you.

For more information on EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), and my work, please check out my home page and my EFT Case Studies pages. You can also get information on my Family Therapy work and Relationship Counseling.

Wishing you a free and joyous life,


*Denver EFT*Boulder EFT*Colorado EFT*EFT Wherever You Are!