Feeling of Betrayal Creates Long-term Emotional Pain
Sometimes, EFT is totally amazing in how easily it clears up emotional pain. Rose (not her real name) had been suffering for six months with an intense feeling of inner turmoil, feelings of betrayal and deception, and a feeling that her sense of reality had been shaken. She discovered that, two years earlier, her then relatively new live-in partner had had sex with another woman, and had, since then, been having an on-again, off-again e-mail relationship, though he had never again had a sexual liaison with this other woman.
Rose felt that her partner had many wonderful qualities and that their relationship was very close. When she found out about this affair, she began to doubt the whole relationship. She said that she knew her partner would never do this again, because he had told the other woman that he would never e-mail her again, and was doing everything he could to make sure that nothing like this would ever happen again. But Rose couldn’t let it go inside of herself. She felt deceived and betrayed and didn’t know how to let go of these feelings so that she could trust him again. She said, “I don’t know what reality is.” She also couldn’t understand how she could have missed this and blamed herself for her ignorance.
When we met, she said that these feelings were at a SUDS level of 9.
“Even though, because he had this largely emotional affair, I feel deceived and betrayed and don’t know what’s real, I deeply and completely accept myself. I forgive myself for anything I might have done to let it go on. Even though my world is shaken and I don’t know what reality is, I deeply and completely accept myself and consider the possibility that I was doing the best I could—and that he was doing the best he could. (She agreed all this was true).
Even though I feel deceived and betrayed, I deeply and completely accept myself and forgive myself for whatever I might have done to let it go on.” We tapped on phrases that included pieces of the above “even though” statements. After this round, the SUDS level was down to a 4.
She realized that, although she was traumatized—which to her meant she couldn’t trust him, she couldn’t find peace with it, she was in a turmoil—she also knew she was completely ok. She didn’t feel threatened and was ok with whatever happened with the relationship.
“Even though I don’t trust him, I can’t trust him, and distrust is roiling around inside me. Even though I don’t know how to stop it, I also realize that I’m completely ok.
After this round, she said that, already near the beginning of this round, she felt “it’s not worth it to me not to trust him.
Even though this happened, I DO trust him, I CAN trust him.” I checked to make sure I understood what she was saying—she was saying that she actually does trust him and knows that he is trustworthy. She felt a sense of peace and joy. When I had her test her experience by going back to the original event and her experience around it, and to try to really re-create the intensity, she said that, although she remembered it all, it didn’t feel like anything big. She rated it at a 1.
I asked her what was left. She said that it was a “mental thing,” that her brain was saying, “How can this be gone so fast?”
So we tapped:
“Even though my brain says, “how is this possible? How can this go away so easily? how can this happen so fast? I deeply and completely accept myself and consider the possibility that that’s just how it happens. I consider the possibility that it can be fast, it doesn’t have to take a long time.”
After this round, she reported feeling really great and that her whole experience had shifted. There was none of the turmoil left, she trusted her partner, she was at peace and felt wonderful about their relationship. I asked her about possible other aspects, but nothing came to her mind. SUDS level 0 within half an hour of tapping.
I checked with her a week later, and she was still feeling great.
Contact Zoe Zimmermann, MA, LPC, Certified EFT Practitioner
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