The Drive for Self-Acceptance: We Just Have to Be Ourselves

What Seems Like Self-Sabotage Often Isn’t

Isn’t it interesting how most of us just have to be ourselves? And if we try not to be, something in us “sabotages” the hard work we’re doing to push ourselves down. We somehow just need self-acceptance. For example, I had a client a while ago who tried to stay in a certain program in school because he’d already finished three years, but something in him just wouldn’t let him continue on.

EFT Tapping to Find Your Passion

When we used EFT Tapping to work on what he thought was “self-sabotage,” it ended up that something in him was pushing him to move into a career with heart. He thought he had chosen a school major that was practical—but there was no passion in it for him.

Finding Our Path With Heart

Another client found himself thinking that, when his kids were out of school, he’d become a hobo, sitting by a lake with a beer in his hand and a fishing line hanging in the water. Again, he thought he was sabotaging his life, because he was trying not to drink, and trying to be a good provider for his family. When we explored what was behind the hobo-by-the-lake-image, it turned out not to be self-sabotage but finding out what he really needed in his life. To do this, I asked him what he needed a vacation from. It turns out, he’d been working 12-14 hours a day at his job and was really getting burned out. He needed to reconfigure his time at the job so that he had time to get underway with several writing projects that were what he really loved to do.

Some people can put off their passion for quite a while, while others can’t wait so long. (The source of many addictions is a deep need for something that’s missing in our lives–see my blog post EFT for Addictions .) But it seems that, for most of us, if we don’t support and live from what has heart, the “life” in us will sabotage our most heroic efforts to conform to what we think we “should” do and be.

EFT  Helps With Self-Sabotage

I use a few really fun, interesting and creative EFT exercises (Emotional Freedom Techniques) that help people discover—or re-discover—where their path with heart lies, to find out what’s in the way of moving down it, and to get on with where the life is for them.

Wishing you a free and joyous life,



EFT for Addictions

Addictions come in many forms—basically behavioral addictions, substance addictions and food addictions. I classify food separately, because it’s also a necessity of life. Behavior addictions include sex addictions, gambling addictions, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and others. Substance addictions can include anything from relatively non-harmful addictions, such as coffee to more harmful ones, such as tobacco, cocaine, heroine, meth, etc., etc. Food addictions usually come in the form of eating more than it takes to stay at a desired weight or a compulsion to eat sugary or salty food addictions, or something specific that represents comfort of some sort.

Addictions are Compulsions

Basically, when we’re addicted to something, it means we feel compelled to do it or take it, even when it’s harmful to us in some way. In a way, when you’re addicted to something, there are two parts of you, and you flip between these two parts. One part feels an overwhelming urge to do a specific thing or take a specific substance—or eat a specific food.  The other part tries to avoid the behavior, substance or food, and feels guilty after having “partaken.”

The Positive Side of Addictions

It’s strange to say that addictions have a positive side—it’s not taking the actual substance or performing the behavior that’s positive, but rather the intent or the need behind the compulsion. If you think about it, when we feel compelled to do something or take something, we’re both escaping a mindset or emotion that we feel is unbearable and, even more importantly, going toward a mindset or emotion we absolutely need. If we can achieve that mindset or emotion in our lives, there’s a good chance we can give up the substance or behavior.

Addictions are the Hotel on the Way to Going Home

Awhile ago, one of my Process Work teachers, Max Schupbach, said that addictions are our attempt to “go home,” to get to a way of being, thinking and feeling that is truly who we are, that is something we absolutely need. Often, we’ll come upon a substance or a type of experience that seems to lead us there. But usually the substance or compulsive behavior has negative side effects, too, and after a while, the substance or compulsive behavior doesn’t really get us where it did at first. So Max noted that the substance or behavior is a “hotel” on the way to going “home.”

From the Hotel Of Addictions to Going Home

Here’s a mild example: I used to be addicted to coffee. I’d have a big mug in the morning and another couple of mugs in the afternoon. I worked on finding out the mindset/emotion I absolutely needed. I realized that, when I thought about drinking coffee, an image/experience came to me of sitting at a table outside on a sunny warm day, feeling no pressure, no schedule. A specific free feeling. I started incorporating activities that had that feeling into my life, more and more. At some point, I was able to stop drinking coffee from one day to the next, with no side effects.

EFT and Process Work are Effective with Addictions

When we used EFT Tapping, combined with Process Work, a client of mine addicted to a much more dangerous substance than coffee (I’ll leave it at that for confidentiality reasons) realized that what he really needed in his life was a feeling that whatever he did had passion and heart in it. He had been in a career that had no heart for him, even though it had the chance to be lucrative. Whenever he thought about his work, it felt like “back to the grind.” He was drawn to the substance he was addicted to because it gave him a feeling of being able to “let go,” to do exciting things that he loved, to be around people he really loved and to interact in a way that had heart for him. Of course, the substance had all kinds of side effects that left him feeling the opposite of what he needed.

EFT and Process Work for “Going Home”

I use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), as well as Process Work and other methods,  to help people acknowledge what’s painful in their lives (the things they’re trying to get away from), to discover the mindset and emotion they absolutely need—their “home”—and the way to get there, which can result in the compulsion becoming irrelevant in their lives.

Wishing you a free and joyous life,




Can EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Make Me Hate French Fries?

Jerri wrote, “Can EFT make me hate french fries?”

That’s an interesting and complex question. Regarding the french fries: if you love french fries so much that you can’t stop yourself from eating them, even though you feel they’re not good for you, EFT can help with that. The way we do EFT Tapping with what’s basically an addiction, is two-fold. The first level is this: whenever you have an urge to eat french fries, tap on “Even though I really really want those french fries. I want that hot crispy taste, I deeply and completely accept myself.” (to find out more about tapping, contact me, and I’ll send you directions). When you do one or more rounds of EFT Tapping on each thing that’s, right now, really tempting you (the specific smell of fries, maybe; the way they look, the way it feels to chew them, etc), you’ll probably notice that it takes away the craving in the moment. Often, though, this level doesn’t keep the craving away. If you stay with this level, you’d need to tap every time you have the craving. Eventually, it’ll stop the craving, but this way isn’t the most efficient.

The second level has to do with how the french fry craving started. Cravings have two sides to them–one side is anxiety and the other is relief from anxiety. With EFT, we go into what specific feelings fries evoke for you (a certain kind of comfort, sense of belonging, peace, etc) and when you had those feelings (family picnics, sitting around the dinner table as a kid, watching TV with friends, etc). We then tap on those. Often, cravings have to do with a state of mind we’re trying to achieve, something we need in our lives. If we can discover how to get to this state of mind, it often makes the “means” of getting there (the substance or food) unnecessary.

So, EFT doesn’t make you “hate” french fries. It’s more that it can just make them irrelevant and take away the energy around them. In this way, you achieve “emotional freedom.”